The DRP Campaign Platform for 2016
Voting is the inalienable right of every U.S. citizen of voting age. It is our way of expressing our preferences for those who are to represent us. Voting is, as has history has taught us, extremely important!
The Deficit Reduction Party offers a new and refreshing approach to honest government – something we rarely have seen in recent administrations! Foremost on our agenda is our dedication to reducing the ever increasing, out-of-sight deficit before it becomes the responsibility of our children and their children.
So, remember to vote with your heart – vote the DR Party, and vote as often as you can. We must and we will reduce the outlandish deficit which continues to rise to unprecedented levels!
Our platform, which we will follow to the letter of each word, will change America forever. We will once again be respected! We will once again enjoy a surplus! We will again have a military adequately maintained to thwart any aggressor. It MUST be remembered that Churchill once said, “War is inevitable” and history has proven that preparedness with military manpower, weapons, and in general, the might necessary to neutralize any enemy, will be foremost in our minds as we vacuum the White House.
The incoming DRP administration is ever mindful of the potential enemies who, like those in the past, seek geographic dominance. Presently, China, Russia and North Korea are the new axis of evil!
- We will restore our image with other nations but in so doing, will offer no apologies as none are needed.
- We shall enact legislation for a fair immigration plan which, when implemented, will work toward reducing our deficit. How, you ask? Each time someone enters our country, they must pay an “arrival tax” of $100.00. If they are tourists just visiting for a short period of time and providing they remain no longer than thirty days, they will receive a refund when they return to their country of origin. If they remain beyond that point, they will be fined and deported; said fine amount is being studied. However, if they intend to remain with a green card or apply for citizenship, they do not get the entrance fee returned. Rigid screening will be put in place to prevent terrorists from entering our country. Immigrants who intend remaining, finding jobs and becoming citizens will receive NO benefits of any kind until they do become U.S. citizens.
- All Government employees serving at staff levels will “buy” their positions. At first blush, this may seem ludicrous, however, read on.This innovative program will not only provide them the incentive to work diligently, but will enable them to redeem their investment and to become wealthy after two terms of office. These employees will have a stake in the way our government performs. (The amount of each purchase will be determined prior to 2016 and payments will be made to the “Acct. of Al H, C/O of the Bank of Antigua). These Government employees will be permitted to accept small favors, cash or otherwise. They may not accept more than double the cost of their position in any one year. This will be considered a ‘perk’, one that we will expect each employee to perform the duties of two.
- By virtue of the last line of the above paragraph, we will reduce the number of government employees by 50% and those that remain are expected to work forty (40 hours) per week, longer if necessary! No overtime for Government employees will be considered. The payroll savings will be immeasurable, thereby further reducing the deficit.
- Scientists will be given a meaningful incentive to develop alternate fuel sources that will be both inexpensive and plentiful. One of the planned sources is to turn urine into fuel. The scientist that is successful in developing this patent will receive a $10 million dollar reward (he or she must return 10% of it to the President). Law-abiding, low-income families will be licensed to operate Urine Collection Stations (UCS). The object is to end our dependency on OPEC and to remove the low-income families from welfare rolls and all government assistance. Without question, this will result in a very meaningful reduction in the cost of running the government and a very substantial deficit reduction. This will also reduce the price of fuel. Our cabinet is also working diligently on a second alternative, that being compressed air. We anticipate both of these oil alternatives to become realities.
- All coffee machines in government office buildings will be supplied by companies who will bid for the installations each year. These companies will bill the government at 50% off retail pricing and they will benefit by virtue of government advertising proclaiming the quality and flavor of their coffee. This free government advertising will surely be a sales-builder for these companies. The President will then establish the selling prices and split same with the inner staff. Each employee will be asked to bring his or her own coffee cup and sugar sweetener to work. The deficit continues to shrink.
- All Rap music will be abolished and replaced with easy listening, jazz and classics. Rappers will be given one venue in each major city where they can rent and quietly entertain those who wish to listen to their so-called music.
- Each taxpayer will be assessed $25.00 each year for an Emergency Fund to be able to cope with any disaster such as the New Orleans devastating Katrina hurricane. No one will be able to touch this fund for any other purpose, except the President.
- A special tax deduction of $1500.00 will be granted each year for each pet lovingly cared for by the taxpayer.
- All child molesters will be castrated by Rabbis whose experience in circumcision qualifies them.
- Any terrorist who inflicts damage or harm to anyone in the U.S. will receive a fair aquatic trial. They will be dropped into the ocean from a height of 10,000 feet. This will eliminate costly imprisonment, care and jury trials, and have a further positive effort to reduce the deficit.
- The White House will sell space on the exterior walls and on billboards erected on the lawns of the premise. All of these efforts go toward reducing the deficit (the President will accept 10% of the advertising revenue for having thought of the idea.)
- The DRP will place a “cap” on malpractice claims, which have grown out of control and become a bonanza for ambulance chasing attorneys (remember the McDonalds hot coffee claim?) This will also curb the migration of physicians who have been moving from larger cities to small towns or to the Sunbelt where they can prey on the elders. Each such physician will be required to submit accurate semi-annual reports of all income and practice failures. They will then be assessed a ten-percent surcharge, said money to be accumulated in an account for distribution to a Senior Citizen Assistance Fund. This is another matter being developed as these writings are being printed.
- Lobbying will be a practice of the past! Anyone who attempts to influence a government employee, regardless of rank or position, will serve a mandatory five year prison term. Anyone accepting these favors will endure the same fate!
- A new minimum wage for a forty-hour workweek will be established the week following our being elected, said minimum wage being fifteen dollars per hour, time and a half for overtime.
- A comprehensive and fair Universal Health Plan will be enacted whereby every citizen of the United States will receive affordable medical care as required. Pharmaceutical companies will be required to contribute fifteen percent of their income. Said money will be placed in the Medicare fund. In this manner, everyone in need will receive sponsored health care. Full consideration will be given to the research and scientific development of new drugs by additional incentives. A “Citizen” Board of ten persons from each major city will meet in Washington to finalize a health plan fair to all and devoid of influence by lobbyists. The present Health Care system will be altered dramatically; no one will be forced to purchase insurance.
- Physicians will be governed by a new doctrine called “Patient Consideration Edict.” The result will be a doctrine setting forth penalties against physicians for each patient who is required to sit in a Waiting Room beyond thirty minutes of when they were scheduled. This will eliminate crowded Waiting Rooms thereby allowing patients to return to productive lives, further stimulating the economy and by extension, reducing the deficit.
- All elected and appointed government officials will contribute to Social Security, thus enjoying the same health benefits as their constituents. Any expenditure for the benefit of any elected official in an amount greater than $500.00 must be voted on by a referendum presented to their constituents, and approved by at least five members of the inner cabinet. Our platform is designed to reduce the deficit by 20 % annually, which means that by the year 2020, we should start seeing a surplus. While additional points may be added during the campaign, these important issues will remain as our guidelines. We will re-read and re-study our obligations and any staff member who does not abide by our “bible” will be dismissed.
- No more “Pork Barrel” add-ons will be affixed to any legislation.
- All who serve in government including judges, congress and senate; will be offered a one-third year pension for every three years of honorable service. There will be no more lifetime pensions and all benefits will cease for any corrupt official adjudged guilty of a crime.
This, ladies and gentleman, is how we intend reducing the deficit while instilling a wariness in our politicians who are, more often than not, either corrupt or seek preferential treatment. There will be no $350 million investments in airplanes just so our congress does not have to be inconvenienced. They will travel commercial airlines. All aircraft used by government officials will be auctioned off on the front lawn of the White House; no more Air Force Ones!
As president, I will fly in my own cost-effective plane.
At this point, those who will entrust me with the running of the government deserve an explanation.
There are several instances in this platform where some minor amounts of money are designated for me. Before it is misunderstood, remember, I am reducing the budget. I am telling my constituents up front, yes, I may take a dollar or two, here or there, but I am not doing so maliciously. I am offering full transparency – full disclosure!
You see, what I am doing is to consider my obligations first. If I am successful, as I know I will be, fattening my bank account will be done only after I advise the general public. I know you will appreciate my efforts and my transparency.
This administration will not make dictatorial decisions nor will we lean toward a socialist way of governing. We intend having input to what we do and plan from taxpayers selected at random from each part of our great nation. We want to know what you would like to see our administration accomplish – for the benefit of each citizen.
Transparency in government affairs is sorely needed. Each citizen has the right to know what is happening to his or her tax dollars. We will divulge everything we do short of endangering national security. Unlike any government that preceded us, we have also made known to our constituents that we shall profit by the office you vote us in to. The President will accept “favors”, cash preferably. He will also share with the inner circle. However, he will do so only if the deficit recedes. What other President can make such a claim? Honesty and integrity will be our guideline.
Finally, the president will appoint the Supreme Court but the senate and congress will determine if those chosen meet the criteria necessary to serve in the highest court in the land. Justices will face an election every three years.
To finalize this well-planned platform, we must say to ourselves, never again! No more holocausts, no more beheadings, no more allowing rogue nations that openly announce their hate toward America to develop weapons of mass destruction. We have witnessed the horrors of trusting nations who deceive, who plunder, rape and murder innocent people as another bastard did, Adolph Hitler!
Let us not change what is good in America. Instead, let us work together and reverse what has caused our existing problems.
Deficit Reduction Party